In our Nihilistic Garden

In our night time garden, late home from busy days,
We talk in sleepy softness, her ciggy quietly fading.
She looks up at the night sky, blue black and matte with stars
“Look at that, the stars are out.”
We plunge our little garden into full darkness
sit outside to watch the big black din.

We whisper our nihilism,
Our love, our fear
In a quiet moment tentatively she says
“Sometimes I want to see how the universe ends.”
I watch her as she watches stars
I whisper “Well, we think we know,
how it will eventually go.
“In trillions of years there’ll be just big white dwarves

They burn hot and fast, fast on that huge scale
Finally they shrink and fade leaving soft red dwarves
The universe is dim way bigger than before
Only lit by patient small red dwarves.
They last a trillion years or two
Then finally just black holes
holding all the information
Once it’s there cannot be lost
But as everything expands
it can be spread so thin,
energy and matter cannot be a thing.
The universe is there but dark
Nothing moves or changes, it’s too far apart.”

We sit in our warm dark and watch.
Several stars fall streaking ‘cross the sky
“It’s nice because it takes the pressure off.”
She says it and I feel it watching the big black.

People so saddened by my nihilistic track,
think it means I’m scared or sad.
just because we do not matter
does not mean I do not value
this rare life and all it holds.
we both love this crazy world,
It’s weird and strange,
and occasionally mean.
We hold close the knowing that really we don’t matter,
Coz the world seems way less bad when the universe is vast,
And that truth is safe and calming and takes the pressure off.